Outside of my window… While the forecast is calling for a beautiful day, this morning has brought intense wind gusts. The branches of the trees are really dancing and swaying, but I can’t help but notice the buds scattered along the tips. The promise of what is to come.
Around the house… One girl is singing away in the shower while a second is upstairs playing the keyboard. Besides the hum of the laptop fan and the occasional sound of wind whipping through the trees, it is the sweet sound of music that fills my ears.
I am feeling… Weighed down. Yesterday was a brutally hard day for me.
It started out with having to cancel our monthly visit at a nearby senior center. It is a ministry that I love and it is heartbreaking to see the number of attendants from our local homeschool group drop month after month. I was especially looking forward to the ministry yesterday.
The day was already destined to be hard as it was the birthday of an estranged loved one. Years of hurt have caused my heart to be scarred and the pain is a dull but constant reality. The thorn in the flesh has become a familiar presence that we’ve carried for a long time. Reminders, like that of passing birthdays, rekindle the heartache and bring so many raw emotions to the surface.
Mid-day, I decided that we simply needed to get out of the house and go for a long walk. Wandering a long path near a creek, I felt some of my burden slip away with the sound of babbling water and singing birds.
That relative sense of peace was shattered when I returned home to find a piece of mail bearing unwelcome news.
As evening came, I found myself with whirling thoughts, a clenched stomach and the clammy grip of anxiety on my heart. I shut myself in the bathroom and finally allowed myself to release it all through tears and desperate cries to God.
He has carried us through so many trials before and I know that we’ll get through this if we rely on Him.
This morning… An image scrolled by on my Facebook newsfeed.
On a morning when I woke up, eyes still puffy and headache looming, I needed this reminder. Tears threaten to fall, anxiety threatens to grip my heart, but the Lord is faithful.
In a moment of prayer and contemplation, what comes to me is this:
Our trials, our pain, our troubles seem all consuming as we go through them. But this moment is but a blink of an eye compared to our Eternity.
I need to keep my perspective in all of this. Today, I’ll try my best to breathe deep and keep my hope and faith planted firmly in the One who has rescued me so many times before.
Trust in the Lord with all your heart
and lean not on your own understanding;
in all your ways submit to him,
and he will make your paths straight.