Saturday, September 3, 2011

Purging and Emerging

Over the last few weeks, I have struggled. The loss of a child and loss of control have twisted me up so tightly that I lost vision of, not only myself, but the bigger picture.

As days went by, I have been torn in a million different directions. Stressed out, pent up, weighted down, stifled in, and as the sun would set and rise, the pressure inside of me built and built.

Yesterday, I cracked wide open. Wide open. The weight had grown too much and I couldn’t stuff one more whisper of worry or sigh of sadness into my heart. It all had to come out. Like a floodgate compromised, it wasn’t a trickle that leaked out, but a powerful deluge.

Through my day, a soundtrack of healing played. Shaun Groves’ new album arrived in my mailbox during the week. Third World Symphony became like a soothing balm for my anxious heart. By the third play-through, lyrics became etched in my mind and I sang along, eyes brimming with tears and voice cracking. Shaun’s lyrics became my prayers and my pleas to God.

From “Come By Here”:

Come, come and meet us here
Come and touch our tears
That we may weep no more
Come, come and meet our pain
Come and lift our lame
That we may limp no more
Come that we may want no more

As I choked out the words, His comforting presence was felt in such a tangible way.

Strength built up within as the lyrics to “Sing” poured from my mouth.

And we’ll stand and pray
‘Till the dark gives way
And then we’ll sing, sing, sing
We will sing, sing, sing
We will sing, sing, sing, sing, sing

And if doubt and fear conspire
To steal away your fire and leave you cold
I’ll stand with you

Hallelujah sing, sing
Hallelujah sing
Hallelujah sing, sing, sing
We will sing

With each word, I felt weight coming off of my weary frame. As tears streamed down my cheeks, they washed away some of the darkness.

Through the beautiful song “Awake My Soul” I felt the crumpled and protective shell around my spirit breaking open.

Hush away the hurry
Put to rest the worry
Come to quell and quiet me
In this moment given
Slow and fully live it
Drink up all the passing peace

Awake my soul to live this moment
Awake my soul,
give thanks and hold it
Dear now
Be here now
God is here now
Awake my soul

The lyrics from Shaun’s album guided me to The One, the only One capable of taking my burdens and giving me peace.

I’ve got faded memories of better days
I’ve got a prayer that they’ll be back around my way
And you’ve got me and oh that gets me through
Oh ,I’ve got you
I’ve got you
Jesus, I’ve got you
I’ve got you

After a day full of shedding tears, purging and singing prayers to God, the evening came and I felt peace and healing in those places where anger and suffocating stress had held court.

Like a butterfly that must struggle to emerge from the cocoon, I felt a freedom as I laid my head down on my pillow last night. There was an unfurling of my spirit.

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I thank everyone who commented and sent me messages yesterday. Your support is so appreciated. Your prayers mean more to me than I could ever put into words. I feel blessed beyond measure by the incredible circle of people I know through this blog.

Though he may never see this, I need to thank Shaun Groves and everyone who made Third World Symphony possible. How incredible to think that the CD arrived when it did, for such a time as this.

I think you should take a minute to visit the Third World Symphony website, where you can learn more about this beautifully crafted album.

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