I’ve been reflecting on something that I experienced a couple of days ago. Something that reaffirmed I am a work in progress and that I need God’s grace in my life.
Let me preface this by saying, I think we live pretty simply. I don’t mind driving a car with rusty holes while many of our friends have shiny new cars. I am ok with painted plywood floors in my house instead of nice hardwood. I am content without buying myself new clothes and with our yearly family budget of $200 for clothing and shoes. Generally, I don’t desire more “stuff” or get jealous.
But, a couple of days ago, I was caught off guard. A friend excitedly wanted to show me her new birthday present. When she grabbed a black case and pulled out fancy new camera, feelings flared up in me that I hardly recognized. I managed to mumble out a half-hearted, “Oh, cool!” but inside I was throwing a 4 year old temper tantrum. ”Why does SHE get an awesome camera?! I want one!”
I was filled with envy. For a period of time, my thoughts kept turning to why I deserved a nice camera more than my very dear friend. I hate to even admit that.
That evening, I talked with my husband about the experience. While he was shocked to hear how I reacted, knowing that I am usually not like that, he was able to talk me through it and pray with me. I realized that, even though I have a giving heart, I am not immune to the desires for having more. I can make judgements about people who spend big money on the newest iPad or smart phone, but I was able to get a up close and personal look at what it is like to think, “I. WANT. That!” Perhaps it was just the perspective I needed.
1 Corinthians 3:4 tells us that Love does not Envy. I have been praying on that a lot the last few days. Isn’t it amazing how the Bible holds verses that will minister to any situation in our lives. This week, I will work on that Plank in my own eye and pray that I may become mindful of these things in my life that I need to work on.